The End

Today is the last day of 2019, my final blog piece for the year, and I have been unsuccessful in coming up with a good concluding story.

Makes me feel a bit down and I’m not sure what to do about it, but I can’t let today go by without posting .  .  . so here goes nothing.

I am perched on a high antique bed in this pink and green floral wallpaper-matching-the-bedspread-and-curtains guest room in my mother’s French style maison in Dallas.

This room is packed with beautiful furniture; there are mirrors on three sides of me. Straight ahead I see myself in the glass of the tall fancy wardrobe — me, myself, and I in my pjs, trying my darndest to write a happy last blog of the year.

I smell coffee downstairs as my sister makes breakfast for our dear ol’ Dad.

 

It’s been an important week, I am grateful to be here, but it’s not an easy reality to enter.

Old age issues. 24-hour caregivers. Dementia. It is serious and sad yet also, at times, funny and sweet, other times boring, and always challenging to keep my spirits up and my worry down.

I wonder how long Dad will have to endure this.

I obsess about what my life will be like when I am his age. (95)

I wish I wasn’t such a wimp in this reality.

Not exactly a happy week.

 

You know, I criticize the Hallmark sappy-happy ending movies because they can be so ridiculous, but look at me, here I am longing for it.  For happy endings.

I long for a happy ending for Dad.

I long for a happy ending for all my grieving, suffering friends. (I attended many funerals this year.)

And selfishly, I just wish I had a happy ending for my 2019 blog, but oh, well, here it is. I’m going to leave all these mirrors and go downstairs for breakfast.

The End.

P.S. No matter what happens this new year, happy or not, I will try to do what my dad has always told us to do: Trust in the Lord.

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9 thoughts on “The End

  1. Sarah

    I thought your ending to 2019 was beautiful and real.

    Thank you for your post and keep them coming.

    They bring me hope and a reminder that life is very fragile and enjoy each moment.

    Love you

    Shauna Clark

    FL

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  2. I love how you and your sisters take time to be with your sweet dad. You know he enjoys your company though he may be confused on who you are. You gave me a sweet ending to 2019 yesterday with the prayer for my family. And your dad…. he talks nonstop in his rhyming jumbled words….. but when you prayed he went silent…. and continually said yes Lord. He knew how to pray. He may not be in touch with reality but he’s so in touch with the Lord. We may have a sad ending, but I pray I’m as joyful and in love with Jesus as your dad. Love you Sarah

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  3. I think a lot of people share your sentiments this year. What is there to say.
    Nonetheless, hope against hope, I do hope 2020 is a bit better than 2019 has been — although maybe that’s an unrealistic hope as we get into our old age.
    I read something yesterday that I liked — that with alzheimer’s, because there’s no memory, there’s no point of comparison — so everything is the first time and the best time. It’s true with Dad, except for ice cream. No loss of memory with that. 🙂

    Sent from Outlook

    ________________________________

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